Porn Addict Wins Suit Against
Adult Website
Awarded $2.3M and carpel
tunnel brace.
SANTA FE, New Mexico — It didn’t take long for a jury to return a verdict of “not guilty” in a classic courtroom drama that was filled with sex, lies and streaming videotape.
Bryan Graff, a twenty-nine year-old handball champion, was awarded $2.3 million after having had his livelihood knuckle-shuffled-away by Cyrollix Entertainment LLC, an adult website charged with producing and distributing highly addictive content.
In what legal scholars call a “rare case,” Cyrollix was found to be negligent of producing some really hot scenes that had no customer warning.
“My client was robbed of his source of income because they [Cyrollix] failed to place a title card at the opening scene warning him of the adverse effects the films could have,” Graff’s attorney told the jury in closing arguments.
les DÉTAILS:
• Chronic masturbation can be debilitating • Also known as ‘tossing,’ ‘wanking,’ I have two minutes to kill’ • Study: Computers with Artificial Intelligence appalled by how their owners treat themselves
While under oath, Graff broke down and admitted to having masturbated a record fifteen-times one afternoon when his cable went on the fritz.
“The jury sympathized, that’s all I can say,” said Graff’s attorney.
“I was horrified to hear of the amount of [tube] socks went through,” said Robert Gillings, one of the jurors.
Most men who masturbate, according to an online poll, get caught in the heat of the moment and often times forget to have a box of tissues on hand. Removing one’s tube sock and using it in lieu of of a tissue is an easy and popular alternative.
During the trial, Graff was forced to place a pencil in his mouth to jot notes due to the severity of his wrist. Afterwards, he was unable to shake his attorney’s hand.
Adult industry analysts contend that ‘warnings’ would adversely effect the aesthetic of the films.
“Nobody wants to click a check-mark box promising ‘I will not beat-off’ before streaming [the video],” said an inside source of a popular adult website producer.
As a result of the verdict, many producers of adult-content are bracing for similar suits.
1 response so far ↓
steadycat // September 17, 2008 at 4:02 pm |
I’ll start by saying ewww on mention of the tube socks. I’ll end by saying, I think I’ll sue too. My hand hurts from typing on blogs all day. Who do I call? *holds up hurt hand*