≈ POLITICKIN’

McCain, Obama
Pass on Illuminati
‘Meet ’n Greet’

Secret society stood-up at
Washington DC Ruby Tuesday’s.

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia — With so much on their plate these days: inflating food and fuel prices so to overtake the world monetary system; inciting genocide in some countries for the sole purpose of supporting supranational institutions; suppressing ‘forbidden’ cures like urine therapy simply because it works too well; and according to a few devout bloggers, secretly selecting Bravos! next Top Chef, the Council of 3, those nutty ol’ pitt-bulls of the Illuminati, got dissed Magna Carta-style yesterday in less time it took their waiter to serve them their spinach artichoke dip appetizer.

This past weekend, the Illuminati invited Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama to the Ruby Tuesday’s in the District’s Foggy Bottom neighborhood in order to learn which presumptive presidential nominee wanted in on their power-hold over planet earth.

According to an inside source, the pagan-worshiping Svengalis, who by the way control everything from the price of rice to your destiny, were miffed after they realized both the McCain and Obama camps were no-shows — oh, snap!

As the three shadowy male figures sat crammed in a corner booth, they turned their heads each time someone new would enter the restaurant. What’s more, their waiter told them they’d have to go ahead an order entrees if they wanted to keep their dignity table.

“It was a Sunday dinner crowd, we were crushed,” said their waiter, Thom Miller.

Adding insult to injury, the Council of 3 were plagued by a busboy who continuously tried to clear their bread plates.

les DÉTAILS:

• The Illuminati are said to be the world’s 13 wealthiest families

• Likes: Globalization, mind-control, devil worship, porn, chaos

• Dislikes: Romantic comedies, puppy dogs, white elephant gift exchanges

When contacted as to why they chose not to attend the meeting, McCain and Obama officials denied any such invitation from any such organization.

“They guys [Illuminati] were hellfire pissed Hillary suspended her campaign and as a result broke the pact,” our inside source tells us.

The “pact” which the Bush-Clinton dynasty is purported to have with the Illuminati is said to run deep, with Bush 41 and Bush 43 both members of the Illuminati off-shoot The Order of Skull and Bones, and with Bill and Hillary Clinton themselves practicing Illuminists.

Practicing Illunimists are a lot like soft-swap swingers; interested enough to get naked in front of strangers but wary of a full-swap.

“They [Council of 3] had planned to commit the McCain to an adult care facility and hide Obama’s Nicorette gum in order keep the dynasty in power,” our inside source said.

In short, conspiracy theorists claim the Illuminati is working on establishing a New World Order with a unified Satanic church and monetary system under their direction. Adding, they want to brainwash every living person, suppress all scientific development and get this — turn pornography into mainstream art form! Guess they have yet to catch an episode of HBO’s Real Sex!

Some say the Illuminati has ruled mankind for thousands of years and are known as ‘Black Nobility’ and the ‘Decision Makers’ who set agendas for presidents and governments. One particular blogger writes that the decision for President Bush to leave for his European vacay on Saturday came down from the Illuminati — mind your beret when atop the Eiffel Tower, Rusty!

Skeptics maintain the Illuminati disbanded years ago, claiming that anyone who believes they are still in existence is “crazy.”

A recent investigation into websites and books on the Illuminati were found be crazily written, crazily edited, crazily typeset and crazily true.

For now, it’s back to the drawing board for the Council of 3.

“Either they’ll get through to one of guys running or simply introduce a third-party candidate of their own,” our inside source said.

“Til such a time, keep a watchful eye overhead for the hovering Angel of the Abyss.”