Olympics 2008

Russia Demands
Air Strikes Be Made Olympic Event

“1,500 civilians killed in three days
is medal-worthy,” Russian Foreign
Minister says in thick accent.

TBLISI, Georgia — Determined not be outdone by the American contingent responsible for making BMX racing an Olympic reality, the Russian military has taken drastic measures to force the International Olympic Committee to rethink the nation’s proposal of making Unprovoked Attacks on Sovereign Nations an Olympic event.

Russia’s military for the past two days has bombarded the separatist Georgian province of South Ossetia to prove to the IOC just how well they can in fact bombard. And according to residents of the bomb-stricken area, they’re doing a pretty good job. Some survivors say that nothing less than world-wide attention be given to the Russian military’s efforts.

Russia hopes that the IOC will reverse its decision upon seeing the skill it takes to fire an air-to-surface missile into a backyard tea party.

“If Americans can win medal for doing trick on bicycle, we should get medal for evaporating treehouse in blink of eye,” said Russian flight squadron leader Demetri Vlochenko.

In 1980 the then Soviet Union first attempted to make Unprovoked Attacks on Sovereign Nations an Olympic event with they attacked on the sovereign nation of Afghanistan without provocation. Years later the U.S. would follow suit with its invasion of the sovereign nation of Iraq, though opted not to make it an Olympic event.