◊ VOYAGE: USAirways Ca$hes In!

US Airways
‘Pay To Pee’
Program
Takes Flight

Passengers forced to ‘crisscross applesauce’ like
pre-schoolers on red-eye.

ARLINGTON, Virginia — In what is considered a bold move even among competitors, a US Airways 747 outfitted with coin-operated lavatories took its maiden flight from Washington Dulles International Airport to LAX, while the cost to use its air-sickness bags remained free.

For seventy-five cents, passengers on all domestic flights will have two-minutes once inside a lavatory before the door automatically folds back open on itself.

The move, which comes after rising fuel, labor, health and retirement costs, wasn’t seriously considered until an inordinate amount of passengers were heard to have a lot of spare change jingling in their pockets.

The trend of charging for basic amenities is not new, but US Airways has re-written the book by classifying lavatories as “in-flight destinations,” thus being able to charge a nominal fee.

“This has opened the floodgates,” said Shelby Duggs, an airline insider.

Duggs says that the carrier’s ‘Pay to Pee’ program is only the first of many. US Airways plans over the next twelve-months to charge passengers for: arriving at the airport, standing on-line at the airport, to use those luggage tags found on the ticket agent’s desk, to use a ticket agent’s pen, to check luggage, to carry-on luggage, for any emotional luggage in tow, to redeem frequent flier miles, to board the plane, to use the in-flight blanket, to use the in-flight pillow, to breath the recycled germ-infested air while in-flight,  to de-plane the plane and a charge to claim luggage.

They are also considering to charge passengers if the plane happens to crash.

“Somebody has to absorb the cost,” Duggs said.

US Airways spokesperson Erik Gray defended the move.

“There is no greater incentive for a passenger to get his or her business done then back to their assigned seat than having all of Coach catching ‘em in mid-wipe.”

Other carriers may soon follow suit.