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USPS to Issue
‘Tramp Stamp’ 

Chicago woman’s “drunken regret”
becomes First Class Tail.

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia — With declining sales and another dismal fiscal forecast, the United States Postal Service today announced the introduction of the ‘tramp stamp’ postage stamp. Much like the Liberty Bell stamp, it too has a crack.

The stamp’s design, a tribal Rorschach test, is based on the winning photo entered by Chicago party planner Christina Young in last year’s USPS contest.

As with the ‘forever stamp,’ the ‘tramp stamp’ after once bought can also be used at any point in the future regardless of a price increase, however, will be redesigned every five-years to reflect the metamorphous human flesh needled with ink encounters over time.

Doug Hanlon, Young’s boyfriend at first encouraged her to cop half-a-squat for the entry photo but soon after she won, says men will enjoy licking his girlfriend’s likeness.

The stamp’s brainchild, USPS director of consumer marketing Eoin Entwistle, was overwhelmed by the number of entries received after the agency announced the contest back in October.

Young says she got the tattoo while out one night during a friend’s bachelorette party.

“I regretted it at first but its come to remind me of the female warrior,” Young said.

For Hanlon, it reminds him of what a sweet ass his girlfriend has.

Basically, the first ‘tramp stamp’ the USPS plans to issue in June will have bold, crisp lines on a taunt fleshy heart-shaped bottom, exactly how Young’s tattoo currently looks. Five years on another design will be released but with faded ink and a newly formed mole. Officials plan the third design, slated for 2018, to be more askew than the previous, twisted by cellulose and on a backside that resembles a deflated beach ball.

Then, each consecutive five-year redesign will look even more trampy.