…RACE ‘ELATIONS: The N-word lives

The N-Word Faked
Its Own Death

Autopsy report never filed for racial
epithet; recently seen alive and well.

Editor’s Warning: This story is about the the n-word and contains language you may find offensive such as the n-word, Sambo and Stepin Fetchit. Since this story is about a really bad word, should you continue reading, we must warn you that also included in the story is the equally offensive word, wigger.

NEW YORK — For hundreds of years no other word has brought shame, humiliation and anger to an entire race. During its heyday it was a popular pejorative to indicate skin color, used to differentiate between drinking fountains, and to express Fred G. Sanford’s frustration with Rollo during Season 3 when the junkman so tiredly said upon a return flight from St. Louis: ”Bim bam boom, somebody get this nigga outta my room!“ 

The overwhelming vast majority of people, black and white alike, despise the n-word as much as they despise Vanilla Ice having ever emulated one.

As noted, Hollywood writers wanted to show the American viewing public just how harmful a name it was because they did not like it when they themselves were called harmful names. Their strategy: use the word against it’s own worst enemy — itself.

Often times the word appeared in a satirical context in situational comedies like Sanford and Son and The Jeffersons. The idea was to get people to laugh at themselves, not at Fred and George. Unfortunately, however, subtext proved too subtle a concept. To them, Stepin Fetchit was a simple-minded black man, not the first black man to earn a million dollars as an actor.

“You have a TerrorGram®…”

Dunkin’ or Dumb’kin? What Does America Really Run On?

Conservative uproar terrorizes
customers already jacked-up
on caffeine.

NEW YORK — According to Fox news columnist Michelle Malkin, it’s not the yum-o ingredients of a Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donut — Enriched Flour (Bleached Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Palm Oil, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil and Partially Hydrogenated Cottonseed Oil with TBHQ and Citric Acid Added to Help Protect Flavor, Sugar, Dextrose, Contains 2% Or Less Of The Following: Yeast, Salt, Maltodextrin, Whey, Soy Flour, Mono- & Diglycerides, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Soy Lecithin, Nonfat Milk, Cellulose Gum, Guar Gum, Propylene Glycol, Annatto, Turmeric, Sodium Caseinate, Natural & Artificial Flavor, Gum Arabic, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative), Xanthan Gum, Agar, Carrageenan, Citric Acid, and Egg — that Americans should fear, but a ratty-ASS neck wrap celebrity chef Rachel Ray wears in a recent ad for the chemical donut manufacturer.

◊ VOYAGE: USAirways Ca$hes In!

US Airways
‘Pay To Pee’
Program
Takes Flight

Passengers forced to ‘crisscross applesauce’ like
pre-schoolers on red-eye.

ARLINGTON, Virginia — In what is considered a bold move even among competitors, a US Airways 747 outfitted with coin-operated lavatories took its maiden flight from Washington Dulles International Airport to LAX, while the cost to use its air-sickness bags remained free.

For seventy-five cents, passengers on all domestic flights will have two-minutes once inside a lavatory before the door automatically folds back open on itself.

Sport

Mikey Likey!

Dude said “bad judgment” lead him to rip a hit at The University of South Carolina in November. Mikey even went on to make a promise in a released statement to Speedo, Visa, Omega, Hilton Hotels, PowerBar, AT&T, Kellogg Co., Rosetta Stone, PureSport and SwimRoom.com his fans that it won’t ever happen again. Ever. Not sure if he was referring to getting stoned, or getting stoned next to some schmuck with a digital camera.

Experts say that in order for Phelps to maintain his squeaky-clean All-American image he must open an aquatic center for disadvantaged children by the end of the week. If he slips up and gets busted for smoking weed again he can count on experiencing the 2012 summer games from Passages Malibu. A third, and he’ll be forced to find Jesus.

Célébrité

Milking Madea 

Tyler Perry loves old people. For the past few years the 39-year old has paraded his 73-year old Madea character around on stage, sent her to a family reunion and a subsequent class reunion, then whisked her off to meet the Browns and now, by all appearances, the multifaceted actor/writer/director/producer/movie title prefix is shipping his Southern grandma off to—cue the timpanis of creativity—jail.

As out of the box as that plotline is I’m sure Perry’s love for the elderly could blossom into even more hilarious motion pictures.  I see his genius sending Madea to camp or to school or to the Army (maybe even all three). He could also have her save Christmas or simply allow the ol’ gal to ride again. Scaring her stupid might be funny, too. I’m sure Perry will continue to allow Madea to live life in earnest, know what I mean?

What might become of Madea’s franchise fate, as well as sublime plagiarism, after the jump.